Brittnay’s Corner: When He’s Just Not Ready (The Best Relationship Advice EVER!)

Alright ladies, listen up because I’m about to give you the game like it was given to me! This one’s by popular demand…

When your man says, “I’m not really ready for a relationship, or a committment; or to have babies, or to move in with you right now,” BELIEVE HIM THE FIRST TIME!!!

And for some of you, his words may say one thing, but if his actions show the opposite, BELIEVE HIS ACTIONS THE FIRST TIME!

It’s not that he’s  a bad person, or that he’s necessarily being selfish or unfair. In fact, if he has already said this to you, or shown you this with his actions (by becoming distant, cheating, procrastinating, etc…), you should literally THANK HIM for providing you with such priceless information (You know, kinda like what Beyonce said in “Best Thing I Never Had”…

Thank God you blew it

and thank God I dodged a bullet…

Baby good looking out)

I almost always cringe when I hear women or young girls make statements like, ” he’s said he’s not ready, but we’re going work on that”… or “he’s stubborn, but we’ll fix that”… or “he’s not REALLY selfish (even though he confessed this casually), he’s just saying that.” Girl, in the wise words of the great Maya Angelou,

“My Dear, why must it take you 29 times?? When people tell/show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

You too can dodge a bullet with that kind of  information once YOU decide whether you will spend your days trying so hard to convince HIM that HE IS WRONG about WHO HE IS and where HE IS along HIS OWN JOURNEY.[PAUSE] Wait, what?  How foolish does that sound?! Yet, unfortunately many women fall into this category. Yes, WOMEN TEND TO CREATE HELL for themselves when they try to convince men that they know men better than men know themselves. NO-YOU-DON’T! Ladies, you only to set yourselves up for hurt and pain when that person acts out of what they’ve ALREADY told or SHOWED you THE FIRST time. And as the saying goes:

Fool me once, shame on you (but not really because you already showed or told me, but I told myself that I could fix it)

Fool me twice, shame on ME! (Indeed!)

He’s being who he is for the time being (that is, until life causes him to make different decisions, NOT YOU). And perhaps he is showing you that his journey is pulling him in another direction, but you choose not to believe him. Oh but wait, it gets better! Then, we ultimately blame our choices on LOVE. Honey, that’s NOT love! That is what you call delusional LUST (as you mature and experience REAL love– like the unconditional love that you have for your mom, dad, sister, brother– you’ll see). Love is patient, love is kind, its unconditional and  it does not demand that someone be anything other than the perfectly imperfect being that GOD himself created (read Corinthians 1:13 KJV to get the scoop on LOVE) . Therefore, there should be nothing for you to even want to fix if you’re with someone who wants what you want out of life. The better choice would be to choose someone who wants what you want out of a relationship and life. As Dr. Patricia Allen puts it, its much harder to get rid of the wrong one than it is to attract the right one. And everyone deserves someone who will not try to change them or change their mind, but accept them as as good enough right where they stand. #POW

By nature, predominantly masculine people are hunters. And just as divine wisdom has pointed out, “When a MAN FINDS a wife, HE finds a good thing.” Never once did it say that she must convince him that she is worthy, nor did it say that she must guilt him into being ready to make her his wife, or baby’s momma, or roommate, or business partner, etc… When it comes to matters of this nature, patience and being decisive about what you will and will not tolerate will be your best friends. And no amount of sex, or buying him Jordan’s, and or playing house, or playing his momma will convince him otherwise (remember, it was NEVER your job to convince him to begin with. He always finds his “good thing” ON HIS OWN DAMN TIME). And another thing, no man likes feeling pressured into anything, especially not by his woman. Your relationship will evolve into unnecessary drama, and you will for sure push your masculine energy companion away from you, and  into relations with those or someone who do understand if you don’t get this point that I’m making.

But when you take his words or actions as his current truth, you can choose to make everyone’s life a lot easier, and especially DRAMA FREE! In thriving relationships, decisions should be made by communicating and coming to agreement, not by guilt, deceit, or force. If what you want is worth having, then you will be patient enough to wait for it and not force it. But he has to feel like it’s a choice that he made for himself, or he will grow to resent you and possibly everything surrounding whatever decision you are trying to convince him of (that goes for marriage, babies, apartment leases, business deals, and YOU.) And that could get U-G-L-Y! Trust me. And if you don’t believe me, just ask your daddy. Lol

When your masculine energy companion is ready, his actions or words (or both) will go something like Levert’s “Baby I’m Ready” song. Check out a few of the lyrics and the song below. (When he plays this song for you, you’ll KNOW its REAL)

Baby I’m ready, to give you all of my love, (All of my love)
Girl I’m tired of playin’ games,
so many girls I can’t even name.
Baby I’m ready(Baby I’m ready), to give you all of my love,
Baby not just a little bit,
I wanna give you all of it.

For more about this whole “masculine energy” thing, check out the extra info within this post below.

In her bestselling psychology-based relationship guide “Getting to I Do”, Dr. Patricia Allen discusses the idea of yin and yang, or masculine and feminine energies. She explains that both energies are something that every human being possesses, however, we all tend to express one more dominantly than the other. She also says that in every human interaction/relationship, only opposites can co-exist if there is to be harmonious balance. In addition, she breaks down the traits of each energy to two basic opposites:

Feminine Energy: is the primary “feeler” in the relationship. They are more concerned with being cherished, having his/her feelings acknowledged and receiving affection.  When feelings and attention are given, a feminine energy person feels respected. A feminine energy person cannot stay with a mate he or she does not respect.

Masculine Energy:  tend to be the director or “thinker” in the relationship.  If asked the question: “Would you rather be respected or adored and cherished?’ a masculine energy person will prefer to be respected. What a masculine energy person THINKS is far more important to them than how he/she feels. A masculine energy person cannot stay with a mate that does not respect his/her thoughts.

If you want your relationships to have an opportunity to thrive, read the book and understand the role that you predominantly play in your relationship, and how you can best interact with your energy’s opposite.

Love,

@BCSTARKS

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When you don’t know what you don’t know…

“…You can’t grow.”

These past few weeks have been such an “eye opener” for me. Its amazing what a dose of pure truth can do for one’s life. It’s also so amazing how so many people can have walked the face of the Earth for hundreds of thousands of years with the doors of pure power and greatness wide open for them, yet they’re unable to enter because of what they don’t know, about themselves and life… And they have NO IDEA what they don’t know [Pause] … Now that’s deep.

I write this post from a place of gratitude. From this place I am beyond thankful for all that life has brought my way, the greatness and especially the difficulties. I am thankful for the great philosophers that have come before us to help guide us in the direction of our power; those who have sacrificed their lives and freedom to make sure that eventually mankind reaches it’s fullest potential, or close to it.

I was lucky to learn at an extremely early age that every single experience in life is nothing short of a lesson in this class called life. Either you look for the lesson to improve one’s self, or continue to go through life making the same choices that lead to misfortune, poverty, and self-destruction.

“Just know that I chose my own fate, I drove by the fork in the road and went straight.”  – Jay Z

I’m mostly thankful for the insane curiosity that I have of about life. I’ve probably been on what I like to call ” a quest for evolution” since the day I was born. I’ve always had a strong desire to understand the intangibles of life so that I could operate at my best state. My quest for spiritual gain has brought me full circle to a state of peace and understanding, and an undeniable awareness of  the power that I possess… the potential for POWER that every human being that ever lived has.

The road blocks that prevents one from their source of power typically present themselves when one decides that there is only ONE ABSOLUTE TRUTH in life (one way to live, one way to think, one way of doing something, one way to be…). The dangers of believing in absolute truth is that it shuts one off from the majority of mankind, and places them in a bubble. Belief in one absolute truth keeps those individuals stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle  because their desire to learn all but disappears (remember, they already have ALL of the answers to life in their possession, and that is their ABSOLUTE truth). We all know people like this, mostly because we all have been that person at some point.

What I now know for sure is that when you become closed off from continuing to seek wisdom and knowledge from all that life has to offer, you shut yourself off from your source of power. Open-mindedness and understanding  is the only means through which one can levitate to heights of power and prosperity that all GOD’s that ever existed intended for all mankind.

Life is a never-ending education, when you stop learning and trying to understand, you stop living, or become the living dead.

“When you don’t know what you don’t know, you can’t grow.”

Love,

@BCSTARKS


The thing you’re looking for is always within YOU!

This lesson is one that I am constantly reminded of.

Everyone is looking for something to get out of this life… something to complete them, or make them happy, or make their lives better. For many its material things, or financial “success.” For others its fame, recognition, or the love and affection of a parent or significant other. Whatever the void may be, at some point most people find themselves searching for something that will make this very moment or life better than what it is.

As a liver of life, I can attest that I once found myself looking for something outside of me to make me feel complete, only to find myself chasing something that could never be caught… at least not the way that I was going about it. This same scenario becomes the tale of everyone who finds themselves in this place. Because the truth is, nothing or no one outside of you can fill the void that you believe is there but YOU.

I place heavy emphasis on the “YOU” part because regardless of what your religious faith or spiritual status may be, you should never dismiss the fact that you have some control over your own life. Even if you pray to Jesus,  Buddha,  Allah, or no one at all, there is always the “YOU” in the equation that makes it complete. Whether its love and affection, money, “success’, fame or recognition, the more you chase what is outside of you, the longer it will take for you to realize that what you really want is what you could have had all along if you had just taken the time recognize your own power.

I’m not sure what it’s referred to in other religions, but in the Christian faith the Bible teaches that the peace and happiness that we as humans seek to experience cannot be found anywhere outside of every living creature on Earth… because it lies within:

“And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said the kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! Or, lo there! For behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” – Luke 17: 20-21 (KJV)

I’m no religious person, but even life will eventually teach you that if you really want to be happy, you need to tend to your own inner guidance because nothing outside of that will give you the peace of mind that you seek. Some call it “getting right with GOD,” others call it “becoming more spiritual,” or “developing a higher sense of awareness,” but it’s all the same. I don’t claim to have a roadmap to understanding this concept and practicing it, but I will share what helped me get there:

I learned to start telling a different story about my life. I learned that instead of focusing on all the bad, I became more appreciative of the good. That’s when life began to give me more experiences, people, and things to appreciate. When I stopped criticizing myself and appreciating all of who I am, I felt more loved than ever before because I began to love me more. When I realized that even when it seems like I don’t have a solution, or enough money, I am always provided for… and so I worry no more. When I realized that certain things will always be out of my control, and that the only control I truly have is over my own thoughts and actions, I began to take responsibility for my own life. I learned never to place blame, no matter what, because doing so only gives the other person power and control over my own happiness. Most importantly, I learned to look within for the answers to questions that only I and GOD can answer. After all, his KINGDOM (peace, joy, happiness, prosperity, love… our slice of heaven on Earth) is within. 

Love always,

@BCSTARKS

Words of Wisdom: Thinking

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but you think you can’t
It is almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

– Walter D. Wintle – 1905

Louise Hay says ‘You Can Heal Your Life’: The powerful connection between thoughts, the body, & life

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I was first introduced to the concept of the “law of attraction” as a sophomore in college. It’s a concept that has resonated with my spirit ever since. That’s probably because I was raised in a household that taught me that I could do and be anything in life as long as I believed it, and put lots of work into it.

In addition to that, growing up Christian Baptist taught me to ‘ask, and I shall receive… seek, and I shall find… knock, and the or shall be opened.’ And I could never forget one of my favorite BIBLE verses (okay, so I can’t remember exactly, lol) that says, “But wilt thou know ‘o’ vain man, that faith without works is dead?”

These very ideas shape who I have become today and forever more. But I have yet to become more impressed by any other groundbreaking piece of literature or idea, than that of bestselling author and metaphysics guru Louise Hay’s book titled, You Can Heal Your Life.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of the law of attraction, it pretty much states that your thoughts and the energy behind them are what shape your life experiences. In other words, most of what happens in life is not pure chance, but involves more interaction on your own part than you realize.

Louise takes this concept one step further by introducing the effect of thoughts on the body. Believe it or not, you can think yourself sick! Hence the reason why stress, anxiety, and depression can all lead to further bodily complications. According to metaphysical teachings, a lifetime of resentment, anger, and guilt (all emotions/ dis-eases of the mind) can lead to cancer, AIDS, and even simple things like ulcers (all dis-eases in the body).

But just as it is possible that you make yourself sick, you also have the power to make yourself well. Louise offers affirmations that help to re-program a lifetime of fear and negative thinking into new beginnings of self-love, forgiveness, compassion, overall well-being, and patience with the processes of life.

Reading this book can be life changing. At least, it has been for me. I would recommend everyone to check it out. Even if you don’t agree with things that she shares in her book, it will definitely force you to think about changing old patterns of thought.

Until next time, get ya mind right ppl!

Much Love,

@BCSTARKS 🙂