If you make a “sound” decision, STICK WITH IT!

Based on the many lessons that I have, and continue to encounter, I am mostly learning the importance of sticking with whatever decisions I make; as long as when I come to my conclusion about a subject (whatever it may be) I am operating out of my best emotional state (excitement, happiness, creativity, peace, joy, love).

This is rather important because many times we go into situations feeling positive emotions about something, but eventually we get distracted from the good, and begin to shift our focus to those things and circumstances unwanted… which ultimately leaves us second guessing and regretting our choices (and could possibly cause us to miss out on once in a lifetime opportunities).

But the idea to understand is that there was a reason why you once felt so great about the conclusion that you drew. The reason is that no vision, especially when it is of “light,” (positive feelings and actions) is ever flawed. If the decision is harmless, to yourself and others, and it feels right, then IT IS RIGHT.

However, its only when you start giving your attention to what’s so wrong about it, that your experience with it becomes so wrong. Everything starts to contradict your initial excitement because your focus has gone from why it’s so great, to your being consumed with why it’s so bad.

I am a firm believer in the power of the human mind to be able to create out of a single thought, whatever experiences and things that one chooses to give their attention to. Look around, every physical thing in life is a perfect example of this idea (airplanes, cars, buildings, businesses, technology, music… all are the result of focused attention/thoughts.

The reason I’ve learned to not walk away from decisions that I make from a positive emotional state, is because when I walk through the process of those choices, I find that the greatest lessons lie there; lessons that are meant to shape us into the very people that we intend to be.

A simple shift in one’s awareness from how bad it is (now) to how great it is (when we first imagined it, and even now, as long as we choose to only entertain the good) will reveal that there is no such thing as a mistake or coincidence when you are operating from SOURCE. If you can continue to exercise faith by walking through your process, then perseverance will show you that none of your focused effort will ever be in vain.

So if you made the decision with the good intentions, stick with it, and in doing so continue to be your best self. Watch how your process turns from obstacle to open opportunity to grow abundantly. When you finally “arrive,” you can look back and say, “It was all a part of my process, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

LOVE,

@BCSTARKS

There is power in being kind to yourself

I’m at an interesting point in my life where I’m gaining a better understanding about the power of kindness and compassion for self.  Most of us would like to believe that we are kind and compassionate by nature, and to a certain degree we are. But kindness and compassion for self  is something that most people struggle with on a large-scale, including myself for some time.

It wasn’t until I came to understand the concept that you can only effectively be the “thing” for others, that  you are for yourself, that my eyes began to open. My personal struggle was that I couldn’t be as compassionate and kind towards others as I really wanted to  because I had mental blocks that wouldn’t even allow me to be gentle, or feel compassion for myself. At first this was a hard pill to swallow, that is until I began to dig deeper.

The truth is, I had always been very hard on myself, especially when it came to setting goals, and getting things accomplished. I’m not quite sure where I learned it from, but I recall being extremely critical with myself whenever I felt that I didn’t meet a certain goal, or complete certain tasks.   Guilty as charged.

Luckily for me, I was able to identify this as something that I NEEDED  to change within myself to allow myself room to grow in other areas. If I wanted to have a better relationship with life (which includes relationships with family, friends, partners, as well as better experiences, health, etc.) I needed to get a grip on showing myself some TLC, and a lot more of it.

In order to do this, I began to put an end to criticizing myself, even for the slightest of things. We don’t recognize what powerful messages we are constantly sending the Universe when we criticize ourselves. Every single time you find something to criticize yourself about, you are subconsciously telling the Universe “I’m not good enough.” Therefore, you attract experiences and people into your life that give you more validation of not being good enough. Think about your life long and hard, and try to understand what I’m talking about… This is exactly what I knew I had to put an end to. 

Once you become aware of criticism within yourself, you have to tell yourself the opposite of what you normally would, something nice for a change. Tell yourself you are beautiful/handsome, flaws and all; that you love and approve of yourself no matter where you are in life; that you are never lacking because God always provides for you; that you forgive yourself for anything that you previously disapproved of; that you are where you are, and that is perfectly okay because every situation in life is temporary; that you respect your life process and trust that you always make the right decisions that will add to your growth. All of these thoughts counteract the negative one’s that you’ve probably been telling yourself all your life. Repeating them as often as possible, especially when you feel the need to criticize yourself or others, will begin to set you free.

When you can focus on becoming a better you, there is no room for finding fault in others. Therefore, you can be genuinely kind and compassionate towards others, because you will begin to be it for yourself. More importantly, the Universe will begin to support every positive thought that you bring to it, and life will begin to be much more rewarding.

Remember, thoughts become things. And whatever it is that you choose to believe becomes true for you.

Louise Hay says ‘You Can Heal Your Life’: The powerful connection between thoughts, the body, & life

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I was first introduced to the concept of the “law of attraction” as a sophomore in college. It’s a concept that has resonated with my spirit ever since. That’s probably because I was raised in a household that taught me that I could do and be anything in life as long as I believed it, and put lots of work into it.

In addition to that, growing up Christian Baptist taught me to ‘ask, and I shall receive… seek, and I shall find… knock, and the or shall be opened.’ And I could never forget one of my favorite BIBLE verses (okay, so I can’t remember exactly, lol) that says, “But wilt thou know ‘o’ vain man, that faith without works is dead?”

These very ideas shape who I have become today and forever more. But I have yet to become more impressed by any other groundbreaking piece of literature or idea, than that of bestselling author and metaphysics guru Louise Hay’s book titled, You Can Heal Your Life.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of the law of attraction, it pretty much states that your thoughts and the energy behind them are what shape your life experiences. In other words, most of what happens in life is not pure chance, but involves more interaction on your own part than you realize.

Louise takes this concept one step further by introducing the effect of thoughts on the body. Believe it or not, you can think yourself sick! Hence the reason why stress, anxiety, and depression can all lead to further bodily complications. According to metaphysical teachings, a lifetime of resentment, anger, and guilt (all emotions/ dis-eases of the mind) can lead to cancer, AIDS, and even simple things like ulcers (all dis-eases in the body).

But just as it is possible that you make yourself sick, you also have the power to make yourself well. Louise offers affirmations that help to re-program a lifetime of fear and negative thinking into new beginnings of self-love, forgiveness, compassion, overall well-being, and patience with the processes of life.

Reading this book can be life changing. At least, it has been for me. I would recommend everyone to check it out. Even if you don’t agree with things that she shares in her book, it will definitely force you to think about changing old patterns of thought.

Until next time, get ya mind right ppl!

Much Love,

@BCSTARKS 🙂

Maya Angelou: ‘When you know better, you do better.’

I was blessed to have had one of the most amazing weekends in my entire life. Not because anything spectacular took place. Well, aside from becoming enlightened at least. But what could be better than a dose of enlightenment?Although the enjoyment of things and experiences in the physical realm prove to be quite exhilarating time and time again, that enjoyment experienced is also fleeting. It will only be a matter of time before you no longer experience the same fulfillment from those things as you once had.

That is, unless you can begin to understand what I have come to understand as a result of becoming enlightened. 

I now know for sure that happiness is something that you have to create for your life starting RIGHT NOW! It’s not possible to become happy only once you become successful, or have more money. Why? Well because success is not a destination; it’s a journey! Not to mention that all the money in the World cannot compare to the sweet grace, peace, and love of GOD. Sure, it will help you pay back those student loans so that Sallie Mae can stop blowing you up on the weekends and while you’re at work (so disrespectful! lol). But if you allow  physical things, including people, to decide your happiness, then you will be in for a rude awakening when they all fall short of your expectations, which they ultimately will.

Instead, I have learned that it is only when you declare that you will not allow anything outside of you to change your mood for the worse, that you will have taken a step towards freedom. Often times, this is easier said than done. But when you realize that in all situations, no matter how big or small, the only thing that is in your control is how you respond to life. Everything else is left up to chance and chain reaction.

I applied this very concept this past weekend and the lesson, or the moment of enlightenment, was more blissful than any physical experience could ever be. Mostly because, unlike things and experiences of the physical realm, once you become enlightened you have the power to change your life, and ultimately contribute to the betterment of mankind. But the best part of enlightenment is that it’s never fleeting.

Since when has focusing on a problem ever brought about real change?

My guess is… NEVER.

Ever wonder why every time anyone has ever decided to “fight” against something that they do not agree with, more of it shows up. The fight against Cancer, the fight against terrorism, the fight against crime, the fight against baby-mommas and daddies [PAUSE… cricket, cricket]. Yet, these so-called problems continue to exist, and on a large-scale.

 In the words of Esther Hicks, “You just can’t get there, from there…”

Ironically, it’s when you decided to stop giving those things your attention and start focusing on solutions that make you FEEL BETTER, that these so-called issues that you may be having seemingly disappear.

STOP being so stubborn in your negative views and START trying to see things from an optimistic perspective. Start finding things to be appreciative for, no matter what the so-called problem is that you’re facing. The more you practice doing this, the more you’ll start noticing that you have more to be thankful for than not, and the smaller the issue becomes. Eventually it will no longer be a problem.

The moral of the story is: When things aren’t going your way, learn to CHANGE YOUR FOCUS, because your focus is the only thing that’s really keeping you from being happy, or healthy, or prosperous, or loved, or whatever it is that you’re wanting to experience in life. Your focus is the only TRUE thing that YOU CAN CONTROL; not anything or anyone else outside of you. When you can understand that NOTHING OUTSIDE OF YOU CAN DECIDE YOUR HAPPINESS, then you will have unlocked the door to freedom forever.

Be easy y’all.

Salon Talk: Respecting Your Process

I had a therapy session with my mom and her client at the salon today. The topic of “getting there” was up for discussion. Lets just say I had my way with this one. I broke it down in phases, so that I wouldn’t be misunderstood. So here’s how it went.

The Complaint:

“I can’t wait until ________ happens… I’m just so ready because this current situation is just not working for me. And I know that once ________ happens, I’m gonna be so much better.”

So my question was,” How does waiting for _______ to happen make you feel?”

The Feeling Behind The Complaint:

“I’m anxious. I’m tired of being patient. This needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon. I just don’t understand why it hasn’t this happened yet. But when it does, I’ll be in a better place.”

The Lightbulb Moment:

One of the most profound lessons that life is teaching me, is to respect the processes of life. Everything in life is a process, and that process will happen with or without your opinion about how long it should take. We usually have no say so in them, we just go along for the ride and anxiously hope for a better situation.

The cool thing about processes is that no matter what your process is, you have to know that it is there to teach you something. And instead of being anxious for that “something” to happen, recognize the lessons to be learned around you and allow yourself to grow in certain areas.

Success at anything usually happens when the people involved are truly ready for them (whether its love, running a successful business, getting an A on a test).  You have to grow in certain areas of your life to have success at anything. People usually realize this from hindsight. But once you understand and can accept that this is a life principle that does not discriminate, you can then begin to look at life differently.

My Suggestion:

Instead of finding things to complain about while you wait, try a different approach for a change. Something like:

“You know, I might not be there yet, or I might not have _________ yet, but I trust that I’ll get there. I’m thankful for where I am, because things could be so much worse than what they are. I am glad that I’m exposed to certain people, places, and things that will allow me to grow each day. Right now, I am being chiseled and sculpted, a9ond the kind of success that I want will happen when I am ready for it (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally) and if its meant for me. Meanwhile, I am getting there, I am getting better every single day, and I respect my process because I will arrive soon enough.”

Notice how different you feel when you take your focus away from what is bad, and turn it towards more positive thoughts… Better, right? Also, recognize that the minute you stop stressing about something, the sooner you get the answer you were looking for, or the sooner you see the results that you were hoping for.

And this my friends is how you practice the art of RESPECTING YOUR PROCESS. Hope it helps! 🙂