The 3 Gems of LIFE: Self-Esteem, Self-Value, & Self-Worth

There’s this reoccurring lesson that keeps presenting itself to me in various forms of my day to day interactions with others. And for a while I didn’t recognize just what it was truly about. In fact, in many of those instances, I thought that somehow life was playing a cruel trick on me. Yes, even I played the victim role. But it hasn’t been until recently that I had to take several steps back and connect the dots in every single one of those scenarios. From interactions with family, boyfriends, co-workers, potential business partners, employers, on down the list… I had been experiencing what felt like a tug-o-war over how I wanted them to see me vs. how I felt I was being treated. And let me tell you, as foolish as this feels for me to admit, I understand that its all a part of growing up. We all have experienced or will experience such a feeling of being under appreciated, or undervalued, especially when we truly know who we are inside.

The trick to something like this is that it’s never really about the people that you are interacting with. In fact, they aren’t even half of the equation of this battle that you’re facing. From what I had to learn, and I’m still absorbing nuggets of wisdom from, is that:

We teach others how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves

We show people how to interact with us, by the way we interact with ourselves

We inform the world of how much we are worth, by the way we value ourselves

The world looks at us the very same way that we look at ourselves

When we see and feel ugliness and pain within, the world will reflect that same ugliness and pain to us through our interactions

When we see beauty, love, and kindness within, the world will reflect that same beauty, love, and kindness through others

When we show forgiveness for ourselves for our own shortcomings and flaws, it is easier to forgive others, and it unknowingly makes it easier for them to forgive us

When we stand up for ourselves and become our own biggest champion, others will rise to meet us, defend us, and cheer us on

When we feel amazing, unstoppable, and fearless on the inside, life will give us more evidence of just how amazing, unstoppable and unconquerable we really are

When we understand that we and GOD/SOURCE/UNIVERSE are ONE, we understand that we too possess unlimited power and NOTHING or NO ONE outside of us has control over our lives

YOU ARE IN CONTROL of YOU and ONLY YOU!

These nuggets of wisdom come in handy as I continue to sort through what I feel is best for me within my interactions, and in order for me to live my best life. This includes how I wish to be treated by family, friends, significant others, and so on. I’m understanding my role in all of these interactions and how I am hardly ever a victim in any of them. Its all about learning to love myself on the deepest levels, feeling whole and complete at all times (regardless of what I have or have not accomplished), being confident in the woman that I’ve become so far, setting boundaries for what I will and will not tolerate from others (and sticking to it…there’s no point in betraying what you really feel on the inside, otherwise you will attract experiences where others will betray you as well).

Are you starting to get the point here? If more love is what you desire, then figure out where in your life you are not loving yourself enough. Do you often criticize yourself and the way you look? Do you feel like you don’t deserve certain things, even though you really want them? Or do you feel like others won’t do certain things for you, even though you would really like them to? Do you beat up on yourself when you make mistakes or not so great decisions? If so, this is exactly what you are training others to do when they interact with you. To turn it all around, learn to be kind to yourself. Learn to do things for yourself that you would like others to do for you (remember, they are watching your movements and ultimately following your lead). Know that you deserve any and every good thing that you can imagine for your life. And perhaps the people that you are interacting with are not the one’s to give you what you really need. Instead, they are a reflection of who you are choosing to be in those moments. So when you finally wise up and learn to value yourself, perhaps those same people will either step their game up in how they treat you, or disappear altogether and make room for people that will honor this new and improved version of you.

This lesson is something kinda special. I’m not saying that its easy to do either, because one of the hardest things to do in life is to unlearn bad habits. But with effort, gentleness, and time, you can become anything that you want to be!

 

Namaste,

 

@BCSTARKS

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The Myth About Change…

“Change doesn’t take time, it happens in an instant; right when you make a decision. It’s getting ready to change that takes time.”

When I first heard this idea I was driving home after a fairly long and stressful day (which has been quite common these days) and Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within” was playing on my radio. As simple and seemingly obvious as this statement seems, its not so obvious when one has been conditioned to think that time has to slip by in order for change to occur. These past several months I’ve been challenged to change in various ways, as every human being is put to the test. Only, I found myself knowing exactly how I needed to change, but stuck at the same time.  Why seems to be a good question to ask at this point… The reason? Well my reason is the same as every other human being; F-E-A-R.

Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, smart enough, or just plain enough… whatever one’s reason is, its always based in fear.

When it comes to goals and dreams, the truth that I’ve come to know is that no matter how much knowledge and skill one may acquire, no matter how talented,  good looking or accomplished one may be, fear can be a most powerful force in keeping one’s dreams at a distance, and for some, never having them manifest.

The good news is that we as humans were blessed with a special gift; the gift of choice. We can CHOOSE to change how we view life and ourselves in ways that bring about results, instead of keeping us stuck. The problem, however, is that many of us have bought in to the idea that change takes time. SO NOT TRUE! Change is always taking place all around us at any given moment. Change happens in every instance; from thoughts, to movement, to growth, even down to our every breath. Just because you can’t see the change right away, doesn’t mean its not happening. The belief that change takes time only gives us the excuse to stay the same on borrowed time, except time is one thing that we can never get back.

As explained by Tony Robbins, the moment we make a decision that change MUST occur or else, we somehow muster up the energy and resources to make things happen. When the choice is do or die, and we’re backed against the wall we always produce a RESULT (maybe not the one we intitally wanted, but a result nonetheless)… and it almost always seems like a miracle! But the truth is that these so-called miracles are always at our disposal as humans. The moment we make the decision that change must occur, it does. But we have to be ready.

How do you get ready? As Tony suggests, we usually stay stagnant because we associate more pain with thought of change, than we do with our current circumstance. We think that changing will be more painful than staying the same because we fear the unknown. But if we decide to associate the idea of what it would cost if we don’t change with more pain, instead of the other way around, then change becomes DO OR DIE… Then, and only then is when miracles occur… that’s when we get results!

I wanted to share this idea with my readers because seeing it this way has opened up an entire new world of possibilities for myself. My hope is that it will do the same for you.

What area of your life do you know that you need to change in order for things to get better, but haven’t yet? What fear is keeping you from making a commitment to change? I really do want to know, so feel free to leave comment because we all learn from one another.

Love,

@BCSTARKS

Words of Wisdom: Are you living a life of pain?

“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”

Iyanla Vanzant

 

“In order to heal the pain you gotta feel it, deal with it, and then begin to heal…”

Iyanla Vanzant

Brittnay’s Corner: Oprah’s Life Class Season Premier (Twitter Edition)

PAIN = Pay Attention Inward Now. Don’t look for anything or anyone outside of you to fix it – Iyanla Vanzant

Tonight was the season premier of Oprah’s Life Class on OWN, and it was AMAZING!!!!  In case you missed it, you can visit Oprah.com to watch the live stream (which may not be available until tomorrow, after it has aired worldwide). The subject for tonight’s class was “Are you living in pain?” and let’s just say that it was a life lesson that can help us all heal. Tonight’s teacher was life coach, spiritual teacher, and author Iyanla Vanzant, whom I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

The people and the stories were phenomenal! I was under the impression that one of my favorite bloggers Mastin Kipp, founder of TheDailyLove.com, would be on the show as well… so I tweeted it in excitement.

Well, Mastin replied by tweeting me that he would only be blogging live from the show, and I was just beyond thrilled that he saw my tweet.

I tweeted so much out of my excitement for the world to embrace the change that is needed in humanity, that I caught the attention of @OWNtv, and they replied to me as well.

I must have been in tune with my spirit, and their intentions as well, for two of my inspirations for inspiring others to see my tweets amongst hundreds of thousands of others, and reply to me tonight. It was UBER COOL!

I also felt the outpour of others who were living a life of pain, and so I tweeted my little heart out tonight… My prayer is that I helped those who don’t know their own strength, through sharing what I now know for sure… The Kingdom of heaven is WITHIN! (Check ya Bible for that one!) 🙂

#AMEN

Love,

@BCSTARKS