The 3 Gems of LIFE: Self-Esteem, Self-Value, & Self-Worth

There’s this reoccurring lesson that keeps presenting itself to me in various forms of my day to day interactions with others. And for a while I didn’t recognize just what it was truly about. In fact, in many of those instances, I thought that somehow life was playing a cruel trick on me. Yes, even I played the victim role. But it hasn’t been until recently that I had to take several steps back and connect the dots in every single one of those scenarios. From interactions with family, boyfriends, co-workers, potential business partners, employers, on down the list… I had been experiencing what felt like a tug-o-war over how I wanted them to see me vs. how I felt I was being treated. And let me tell you, as foolish as this feels for me to admit, I understand that its all a part of growing up. We all have experienced or will experience such a feeling of being under appreciated, or undervalued, especially when we truly know who we are inside.

The trick to something like this is that it’s never really about the people that you are interacting with. In fact, they aren’t even half of the equation of this battle that you’re facing. From what I had to learn, and I’m still absorbing nuggets of wisdom from, is that:

We teach others how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves

We show people how to interact with us, by the way we interact with ourselves

We inform the world of how much we are worth, by the way we value ourselves

The world looks at us the very same way that we look at ourselves

When we see and feel ugliness and pain within, the world will reflect that same ugliness and pain to us through our interactions

When we see beauty, love, and kindness within, the world will reflect that same beauty, love, and kindness through others

When we show forgiveness for ourselves for our own shortcomings and flaws, it is easier to forgive others, and it unknowingly makes it easier for them to forgive us

When we stand up for ourselves and become our own biggest champion, others will rise to meet us, defend us, and cheer us on

When we feel amazing, unstoppable, and fearless on the inside, life will give us more evidence of just how amazing, unstoppable and unconquerable we really are

When we understand that we and GOD/SOURCE/UNIVERSE are ONE, we understand that we too possess unlimited power and NOTHING or NO ONE outside of us has control over our lives


These nuggets of wisdom come in handy as I continue to sort through what I feel is best for me within my interactions, and in order for me to live my best life. This includes how I wish to be treated by family, friends, significant others, and so on. I’m understanding my role in all of these interactions and how I am hardly ever a victim in any of them. Its all about learning to love myself on the deepest levels, feeling whole and complete at all times (regardless of what I have or have not accomplished), being confident in the woman that I’ve become so far, setting boundaries for what I will and will not tolerate from others (and sticking to it…there’s no point in betraying what you really feel on the inside, otherwise you will attract experiences where others will betray you as well).

Are you starting to get the point here? If more love is what you desire, then figure out where in your life you are not loving yourself enough. Do you often criticize yourself and the way you look? Do you feel like you don’t deserve certain things, even though you really want them? Or do you feel like others won’t do certain things for you, even though you would really like them to? Do you beat up on yourself when you make mistakes or not so great decisions? If so, this is exactly what you are training others to do when they interact with you. To turn it all around, learn to be kind to yourself. Learn to do things for yourself that you would like others to do for you (remember, they are watching your movements and ultimately following your lead). Know that you deserve any and every good thing that you can imagine for your life. And perhaps the people that you are interacting with are not the one’s to give you what you really need. Instead, they are a reflection of who you are choosing to be in those moments. So when you finally wise up and learn to value yourself, perhaps those same people will either step their game up in how they treat you, or disappear altogether and make room for people that will honor this new and improved version of you.

This lesson is something kinda special. I’m not saying that its easy to do either, because one of the hardest things to do in life is to unlearn bad habits. But with effort, gentleness, and time, you can become anything that you want to be!






SELF MASTERY: Control Your Thoughts/Actions, Surrender The Outcome (On Every Subject!)


My greatest task these past several months has been the act of letting go. Its one of the hardest things to do when you’re so used to being a bit of a control freak. Okay… Let’s admit, we ALL do this with certain aspects of our lives. We all want to feel as if we have a sense of control over the things that are going on around us. And to a certain degree, we do. But what I’m coming to know, is that the greatest thing that we should aspire to have control over has nothing to do with anything outside of oneself. It has EVERYTHING to do with checking in with the thoughts and feelings that are behind every action or decision that one may make.

Most recently, I had to deal with relationship disappointment. For me, it was that feeling and supporting thoughts of being deprived or cheated of certain treatment. This is a very typical thing for humans, especially women to endure as we are given so many images and ideas from the outside world about how things are supposed to be. And its amazing how it never fails that the core of all relational conflicts comes from those very ideas about how things are “supposed to be.” And as the saying goes, our ideas about how things are supposed to be are what screws us up most. In fact, I find it funny how no matter what your thoughts and feelings are about something, negative or positive, you can almost always count on some kind of outside validation to support it. It can be in the form of a friend or family member’s advice, a billboard you may see while driving, a song on the radio, a fortune cookie… No matter what frequency you are on, it will somehow be validated and ultimately encouraged to continue… This is something to consider!   

But now consider this: What if it was revealed to mankind that every idea that we’ve ever held about life and how things are supposed to go are false? What if none of it is true, and its all just one great big illusion (almost like a movie), and we are playing the roles that we choose to play with every decision that we make? And what if, as a result of accepting this scenario as true, we are told that our only power in navigating through life is to develop discipline in the mind; that is, be mindful of the thoughts and emotions that pass through your being, and understand that everything that you say and do are the result of what you are thinking and feeling in any given moment. Now, if everything that you say and do will render an opposite or equal reaction, thus creating the events of your life, would it not be a top priority to constantly work at improving one’s thoughts and emotions before or during the decision making process?…

This task for me has been one of great difficulty, as it challenges me to dismiss many ideas that I have about relationships and love, and life in general. Its amazing how many different thoughts and ideas we have about specific subjects that are not our own. They are merely thoughts and ideas that we have learned from the world around us. When we learn to master what controls our actions, we can begin to be more deliberate about just what it is we are trying to accomplish with every given thought and feeling. From there, we can surrender and allow life to unfold profoundly in our favor, rather than against us through negative validation and real-life physical confirmation. This has been one of my greatest revelations!







When It Comes To Matters Of The Heart…


It’s been a while since I’ve written about matters of the heart. You know, relationships, intimacy, love… I often purposefully stay away from such matter because I’ve always deemed it too personal or too delicate of a subject to share with my readers. In the past, I preferred to stick to matters of spirit or self-help advice. Its what I know, and where I feel safest.

However,  a few days ago I found myself questioning my own judgement.  I questioned how my decision to limit my writings to only the subjects that I’m comfortable with expressing may indeed be limiting to my own creativity and expression of the whole of me.


That’s the very reason why I love Drake’s music. He finds himself discussing some of the most uncomfortable matters of the heart in his music. No matter how outlandish the storyline may come off, its real, its raw, and its HIS personal and perfectly imperfect self expression. And it is freely given to all who will listen and ultimately be affected because they too have experienced, or can relate to the emotion behind his experieces… But I’m no Drake, nor do I entertain (well, sometimes). I am however, a living and breathing physical being who is equally creative in so many ways. At this point of my journey, auexpression has become priority in all of my dealings. So here it goes…


Once upon a time, although not long ago, I would constantly find myself in the most uncomfortable situations. Like most who’ve lived long enough to experience relationships, I’ve experienced the entire spectrum of human emotion. I’ve also seen highs, and many lows. I’ve believed in the impossible, and have also been pessimistic. I’ve tried changing the things that no longer serve me, while simultaneously holding on to patterns and beliefs of past experiences, sometimes to my own detriment. For a long time I’ve unknowingly denied myself of what The Daily Love blogger and life coach Mastin Kipp refers to as a self-approved life. Up until most recently, I would find myself caring entirely too much about what others thought of me. So much that I would either rebel, or end up apologizing for having said the things that I truly felt, all because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be accepted or LOVED.

But as Mark Nepo put it:

“We are broken open, or we Willfully shed”

Being human is NO JOKE!! And all of these experiences have bought me to this part of my journey where I am learning to shed those ideas that others opinions of me should trump my own. Everyday I’m practicing what it means to me to live a self-approved life. Some days this means standing up for myself and not allowing others to take advantage of my kindness, other days this means saying “NO” to the things and people that don’t serve me well or that my inner spirit does not agree with.

In this moment, I’m thankful for being. My heart is in great health, as is my mind, body, and spirit. I feel, and no matter how tough the feelings, I persevere and it always turns out that I’m stronger than I could have ever imagined. I allow myself to make mistakes, forgive, and willingly evolve. I know that Love trumps all and will always and forever be, share, receive and believe in LOVE. I now choose to live self-approved, and I wish you the same.

How’s that for matters of the heart? …For me, it’ll do for now. #SelfApproved #MattersOfTheHeart




If you make a “sound” decision, STICK WITH IT!

Based on the many lessons that I have, and continue to encounter, I am mostly learning the importance of sticking with whatever decisions I make; as long as when I come to my conclusion about a subject (whatever it may be) I am operating out of my best emotional state (excitement, happiness, creativity, peace, joy, love).

This is rather important because many times we go into situations feeling positive emotions about something, but eventually we get distracted from the good, and begin to shift our focus to those things and circumstances unwanted… which ultimately leaves us second guessing and regretting our choices (and could possibly cause us to miss out on once in a lifetime opportunities).

But the idea to understand is that there was a reason why you once felt so great about the conclusion that you drew. The reason is that no vision, especially when it is of “light,” (positive feelings and actions) is ever flawed. If the decision is harmless, to yourself and others, and it feels right, then IT IS RIGHT.

However, its only when you start giving your attention to what’s so wrong about it, that your experience with it becomes so wrong. Everything starts to contradict your initial excitement because your focus has gone from why it’s so great, to your being consumed with why it’s so bad.

I am a firm believer in the power of the human mind to be able to create out of a single thought, whatever experiences and things that one chooses to give their attention to. Look around, every physical thing in life is a perfect example of this idea (airplanes, cars, buildings, businesses, technology, music… all are the result of focused attention/thoughts.

The reason I’ve learned to not walk away from decisions that I make from a positive emotional state, is because when I walk through the process of those choices, I find that the greatest lessons lie there; lessons that are meant to shape us into the very people that we intend to be.

A simple shift in one’s awareness from how bad it is (now) to how great it is (when we first imagined it, and even now, as long as we choose to only entertain the good) will reveal that there is no such thing as a mistake or coincidence when you are operating from SOURCE. If you can continue to exercise faith by walking through your process, then perseverance will show you that none of your focused effort will ever be in vain.

So if you made the decision with the good intentions, stick with it, and in doing so continue to be your best self. Watch how your process turns from obstacle to open opportunity to grow abundantly. When you finally “arrive,” you can look back and say, “It was all a part of my process, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”