Lessons Learned…

This year has been full of growth opportunities for me. Particularly in the form of relationships. I’ve experienced some firsts and hopefully several lasts. Some experiences I wouldn’t have wished for my worst enemy, while others have neen pure bliss. But I still wouldn’t change a single thing because the contrast is what has lead me to this very moment. As I sit here typing away, my hope is that I am able to be light to those that have been or are going through something as it pertains to relationships. So here’s a list of a few of the most prominent take-aways on my journey to great:

1. The first lesson centers around the topic of patience.  Its something that I still struggle with, but its effects within relationships are essential for peace and healthy communication. Oftentimes we want things when we want them, but when they fail to show up we end up disappointed. In many cases its ultimately no ones fault that we’re disappointed. Its only our own responsibility to check our expectations at the door. Are you expecting perfection from another perfectly imperfect human being? If so, there’s the culprit! As my favorite blogger Mastin Kipp put it, “Everything that holds us back in life is due to an unhealthy relationship with uncertainty.” That goes for lack of patience too. Many of us lack patience because we’re afraid of losing of control of a situation. What would happen if we did surrender circumstances and situations to the unknown? Well, our ultimate fear is that we would DIE or experience some form of excruciating pain. But history and many people’s lives have served as examples of how majestic accepting and embracing uncertainty can truly be. It’s what many religions refer to as Faith. It’s what I finally know to be true and I’m finally willing myself to practice more of it. I’m willing myself to be more patient with not only my own life process, but also having a sound understanding and practiced patience for the processes of others as well. This is in no way to suggest that you wait on your life to happen in order to be happy… Live how you chose, but don’t expect others to be ready to move when you are. Wait if it’s worth it, or find others who are ready in the meamtime. Life will handle the rest.

2. The second lesson deals with authenticity. For me this word implies being true to oneself. This means not selling yourself short on life, decisions, and opportunities just because others have an opinion about them. For me, this topic is also another project to grow in. I never really thought of myself as a people pleaser. In fact, I often find myself dismissing the opinions of others left and right, especially when they don’t resonate with me. However, most recently it dawned on me that the people’s whose opinions matter most to me are those who are closest to me, those who I trust enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with. And although this number is few, it hadn’t occurred to me until recently that I place a great deal of importance on their opinions. I realized, not just for myself, that sometimes we care so much about what others think of us, that we lose sight of who and what we truly are. We forget that we have our own journey to travel, our own purposes to fulfill, and their opinions of us are only a limited view of the whole of us. In fact, their opinions of us are only their thoughts and perception of us, not facts. Their opinions are none of our business because they aren’t the truth of who and what we truly are. I’m getting to the place where I’m learning to speak to my heart in stolen moments of silence (something I never thought to do before…It’s not prayer, it’s literal intimate feeling conversations with the core of your being). At first it feels weird, but as I continue to practice I can feel my way through life and situations with an inner knowing like never before. Afterall, “The kingdom of heaven lies within”. We were created to live as our true selves, not the many versions of who we are according to those who observe us in fleeting moments and temporary circumstances.

3. This next lesson is about acceptance. This is the king of all things necessary for change. In order to see real change in our lives, we must be able and willing to accept the whole of who we are, where we are, and the whole of a situation. This process in and of itself is quite complex from what I’ve come to find. Many times we find ourselves in situations that are unfavorable, and understandably hard to accept. It is from this space of resistance to life and its varying experiences and circumstances that we render ourselves to mental and emotional suffering and illness. From this space we are also sometimes lead to inflict the same pain that we feel unto others. As the saying goes: “Hurt people, hurt people.” A refusal to accept what is denies one the opportunity to experience life as fully present, whole, and complete beings. It also perpetuates a cycle of resistance from one personal interaction to the next. I’ve come to find that my personal resistance shows itself to me in the form of bodily discomfort. I may feel nervous/anxious tension in the pit of my stomach whenever I am faced with a part of myself (personality, habits, perception, expectations) that needs to evolve, but that I am subconsciously resisting. I too am learning to be more accepting of what is, with full faith that what is to come is always in service of my highest good and greatest joy… Yes, even when I can’t yet see evidence of it.

My prayer for my readers and myself is that we continue to be open to life and its many lessons. Also, my hope is that as we each continue to evolve, we are willing to share our lessons and journey with others for the purpose of being catalyst of love and understanding on Earth. Be the light that you wish to see in the world.

Namaste,

@BCSTARKS ♡

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Brittnay’s Corner: Sexual Healing: What It Means, Why It Matters

Yes, I’m taking it there! But bear with me because this isn’t your typical religious based  speech on why you should save yourself for marriage, or be guilted  by your past. I’ll leave that part to the folks who handle that best. That’s out of my league. “Nope, not I,”  said the cat.

I do, however,  intend to share with you a lesson that almost knocked my socks off when I read it. And it’s not that I haven’t heard similar teachings, but I’ve never heard it stated in a way that actually sits well with my spirit. A way that doesn’t leave me feeling any awkwardness whatsoever… you know, guilty, anxious or ashamed. Instead, I was filled with feelings of pure love and acceptance, which is what any true word of GOD and the DIVINE should feel  like (Your spirit always KNOWS the source from which it comes…its all in how you feel).

Now to the lesson…

A Course In Miracles (ACIM) teaches us that we are not truly the physical body form that we identify ourselves by. Instead, we should view ourselves as spiritual beings having a physical/ human experience here on Earth. With that said, we must be able to view ourselves beyond our physical bodies and the physical material world that we live in.

That’s all pretty cool… obvious for some. But let’s take it a step further.

ACIM also tells us the following:

“When you equate yourself with a body[or another person in the same way], you will always experience depression [or anxiety].”

This is true when we are critical with ourselves or others about our weight, or physical attractiveness, material wealth/success, etc… It’s never a good feeling when we only fully identify ourselves as our physical bodies or material wealth because these are things that can and will constantly change, just as everything else in the physical realm. And let’s face it, we’re all worth wayyy more than what’s on the surface. In fact, we can all agree the only true constants are Spirit, LOVE and GOD… which are all ONE.

Stay with me here…

According to one of my favorite authors, Marianne Williamson in her bestselling title A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course In Miracles, “One of the ways the body can be used to manufacture depression is through loveless sex.” This is because we tend to project either love or fear when we partake in sexual activities. Williamson states:

“When sex is of the Holy Spirit, it is a deepening of communication. When it is of the ego, it is  a substitute for communication. The Holy Spirit uses sex to heal us; the ego uses it to wound us. Sometimes we have thought that sex with another person would cement the bond between us, and instead it turned out to manufacture more illusion and anxiety than there was before. It is only when sex is a vehicle of spiritual communion that it is truly loving, that it joins us to another person. Then it is a sacred act.– Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love p. 250

In other words, when we partake in loveless sex, we are merely trying to fill a void for something else that we may feel is missing. In this context, sex is used as a coping mechanism that is no different from drugs, or food, or whatever else we humans have been known to use in order to cover up or communicate the true pain that may have never been healed from our past. For example, when a male/female has sex outside of an a loving relationship that has been established prior to sexual interaction, deep down he/she may subconsciously be attempting to communicate or fill a void of their true desire to be loved, wanted, or accepted as whole by another. Sex would thus be a substitution for true communication between that person, and his/her partner(s). There is always a story behind everything in life, whether deep or shallow. This is why communication on the surface goes a looooong way!

Ohhhh, but it gets better!!

Williamson goes on to share another part of this lesson that ACIM teaches, and that is one of the true definitions of what it means to be Holy as it relates to life, and in this context, sex:

“Holiness means the presence of a loving purpose, and in that sense, the body and its accouterments can be a holy expression. Many spiritual seekers have felt the need to eschew all body related things. But that can be as ego-centered as an overattachment to the physical. Anything used to spread joy and communicate love is a part of GOD’s plan for salvation.” — Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love p. 250

Now tell me that doesn’t give you a whole new perspective on Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing!

No matter how man tries to bog it down with condemnation and ridicule, sex was created by the DIVINE as a form of communication on the deepest level… Yes, for us humans it gets no better than pure physical intimacy. But it’s only when its used for the pure purpose of LOVE, that it feels HEAVENLY through and through; not just for the moment. Hence why most religions point in the direction of marriage before sex, and the whole spiel on how man unites as one during meaningful intercourse. The truth is, all sex is meaningful. We just have to know ourselves well enough to know just what we are truly attempting to communicate to the Universe and our partner(s) in spirit.  For we will only experience the truth of our intentions. Therefore, perhaps we should heavily consider having only loving connections… at least at some point in our lives.

If love is what we truly desire, then love is what we ought to communicate with those we interact with in life in as many ways possible. First, we must love and accept ourselves as whole and complete beings right where we are. For in GOD’s eyes, man was perfectly and masterfully created. Once there, if others can accept the whole of you and love you as you are in return, then perhaps they are worthy of your sexual healing, and vice versa of course. DOPE, right!?!

Don’t ever say that I never tried to enlightened you! lol

Meanwhile, feel free to drop some of your thoughts on the topic in the comment section below.

Love,

@BCSTARKS