The 3 Gems of LIFE: Self-Esteem, Self-Value, & Self-Worth

There’s this reoccurring lesson that keeps presenting itself to me in various forms of my day to day interactions with others. And for a while I didn’t recognize just what it was truly about. In fact, in many of those instances, I thought that somehow life was playing a cruel trick on me. Yes, even I played the victim role. But it hasn’t been until recently that I had to take several steps back and connect the dots in every single one of those scenarios. From interactions with family, boyfriends, co-workers, potential business partners, employers, on down the list… I had been experiencing what felt like a tug-o-war over how I wanted them to see me vs. how I felt I was being treated. And let me tell you, as foolish as this feels for me to admit, I understand that its all a part of growing up. We all have experienced or will experience such a feeling of being under appreciated, or undervalued, especially when we truly know who we are inside.

The trick to something like this is that it’s never really about the people that you are interacting with. In fact, they aren’t even half of the equation of this battle that you’re facing. From what I had to learn, and I’m still absorbing nuggets of wisdom from, is that:

We teach others how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves

We show people how to interact with us, by the way we interact with ourselves

We inform the world of how much we are worth, by the way we value ourselves

The world looks at us the very same way that we look at ourselves

When we see and feel ugliness and pain within, the world will reflect that same ugliness and pain to us through our interactions

When we see beauty, love, and kindness within, the world will reflect that same beauty, love, and kindness through others

When we show forgiveness for ourselves for our own shortcomings and flaws, it is easier to forgive others, and it unknowingly makes it easier for them to forgive us

When we stand up for ourselves and become our own biggest champion, others will rise to meet us, defend us, and cheer us on

When we feel amazing, unstoppable, and fearless on the inside, life will give us more evidence of just how amazing, unstoppable and unconquerable we really are

When we understand that we and GOD/SOURCE/UNIVERSE are ONE, we understand that we too possess unlimited power and NOTHING or NO ONE outside of us has control over our lives

YOU ARE IN CONTROL of YOU and ONLY YOU!

These nuggets of wisdom come in handy as I continue to sort through what I feel is best for me within my interactions, and in order for me to live my best life. This includes how I wish to be treated by family, friends, significant others, and so on. I’m understanding my role in all of these interactions and how I am hardly ever a victim in any of them. Its all about learning to love myself on the deepest levels, feeling whole and complete at all times (regardless of what I have or have not accomplished), being confident in the woman that I’ve become so far, setting boundaries for what I will and will not tolerate from others (and sticking to it…there’s no point in betraying what you really feel on the inside, otherwise you will attract experiences where others will betray you as well).

Are you starting to get the point here? If more love is what you desire, then figure out where in your life you are not loving yourself enough. Do you often criticize yourself and the way you look? Do you feel like you don’t deserve certain things, even though you really want them? Or do you feel like others won’t do certain things for you, even though you would really like them to? Do you beat up on yourself when you make mistakes or not so great decisions? If so, this is exactly what you are training others to do when they interact with you. To turn it all around, learn to be kind to yourself. Learn to do things for yourself that you would like others to do for you (remember, they are watching your movements and ultimately following your lead). Know that you deserve any and every good thing that you can imagine for your life. And perhaps the people that you are interacting with are not the one’s to give you what you really need. Instead, they are a reflection of who you are choosing to be in those moments. So when you finally wise up and learn to value yourself, perhaps those same people will either step their game up in how they treat you, or disappear altogether and make room for people that will honor this new and improved version of you.

This lesson is something kinda special. I’m not saying that its easy to do either, because one of the hardest things to do in life is to unlearn bad habits. But with effort, gentleness, and time, you can become anything that you want to be!

 

Namaste,

 

@BCSTARKS

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SELF MASTERY: Control Your Thoughts/Actions, Surrender The Outcome (On Every Subject!)

surrender

My greatest task these past several months has been the act of letting go. Its one of the hardest things to do when you’re so used to being a bit of a control freak. Okay… Let’s admit, we ALL do this with certain aspects of our lives. We all want to feel as if we have a sense of control over the things that are going on around us. And to a certain degree, we do. But what I’m coming to know, is that the greatest thing that we should aspire to have control over has nothing to do with anything outside of oneself. It has EVERYTHING to do with checking in with the thoughts and feelings that are behind every action or decision that one may make.

Most recently, I had to deal with relationship disappointment. For me, it was that feeling and supporting thoughts of being deprived or cheated of certain treatment. This is a very typical thing for humans, especially women to endure as we are given so many images and ideas from the outside world about how things are supposed to be. And its amazing how it never fails that the core of all relational conflicts comes from those very ideas about how things are “supposed to be.” And as the saying goes, our ideas about how things are supposed to be are what screws us up most. In fact, I find it funny how no matter what your thoughts and feelings are about something, negative or positive, you can almost always count on some kind of outside validation to support it. It can be in the form of a friend or family member’s advice, a billboard you may see while driving, a song on the radio, a fortune cookie… No matter what frequency you are on, it will somehow be validated and ultimately encouraged to continue… This is something to consider!   

But now consider this: What if it was revealed to mankind that every idea that we’ve ever held about life and how things are supposed to go are false? What if none of it is true, and its all just one great big illusion (almost like a movie), and we are playing the roles that we choose to play with every decision that we make? And what if, as a result of accepting this scenario as true, we are told that our only power in navigating through life is to develop discipline in the mind; that is, be mindful of the thoughts and emotions that pass through your being, and understand that everything that you say and do are the result of what you are thinking and feeling in any given moment. Now, if everything that you say and do will render an opposite or equal reaction, thus creating the events of your life, would it not be a top priority to constantly work at improving one’s thoughts and emotions before or during the decision making process?…

This task for me has been one of great difficulty, as it challenges me to dismiss many ideas that I have about relationships and love, and life in general. Its amazing how many different thoughts and ideas we have about specific subjects that are not our own. They are merely thoughts and ideas that we have learned from the world around us. When we learn to master what controls our actions, we can begin to be more deliberate about just what it is we are trying to accomplish with every given thought and feeling. From there, we can surrender and allow life to unfold profoundly in our favor, rather than against us through negative validation and real-life physical confirmation. This has been one of my greatest revelations!

 

Namaste!

 

@BCSTARKS 

 

 

Late Night Ramble… What I’ve Learned From Emotions

Its been a while since I’ve blogged… at least the way that I was used to blogging when I started this thing. The truth is, life got in the way. A lot of new things have happened since I last poured my guts out on BCSTARKS, and with lots of experiences come lots of lessons. And my readers know how passionate I am about learning from life’s lessons and sharing them.

I won’t go into detail about everything, because that’s never why I share things here. But I will share with you how I’ve felt as of late, and what I’ve learned from my emotional bouts.

Fear… But I’ve learned to do things anyway just to get past it. Although I find myself afraid at times, I’m more fearful of not taking chances with my hopes and dreams than I am of actually facing my fears.

I’ve felt disappointment. But the lesson here is that one should never expect others to fit the mold of what one wants them to be. People are who they are, and have every right to evolve at their own  pace… No one else is responsible for one’s personal happiness, nor should one give others the power to determine one’s happiness. If disappointment creeps up on you, say this affirmation: ” I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I lovingly set you free.” Forgiveness is always key to having a more peaceful life experience.

Anger and Frustration… are recipes for disaster. These two emotions get you nowhere, FAST! Or more like trouble that you never intended to be in. My lesson with these two have been to acknowledge when something doesn’t sit well with me. Sometimes my best approach has been to do this in writing. I find that when I write things out first I am able to release some of the  initial shock and first impressions on paper. And once I’m past those things, I am then able to better address whatever the situation is, minus the negative emotion. No sense in making a bad situation worse.

I’ve got love. When I surround myself with those who love me unconditionally, and I love myself the same and more, everything else seems a lot less significant. I’ve come to find that being surrounded by love can get one through the toughest situations. Material things, relationships, and circumstances may come and go, but genuine love endures all… It heals all too! Especially when it’s from yourself, to yourself.

Happiness. Its something that I feel often… Especially when I blog. 🙂 I’ve learned to stick with the things that make me happy as often as possible. Yes, even the little things like watching The Lion King with my 5-year-old nephew. It’s a collection of doing the little things as often as possible that equal the sum of a happy life. For me, happiness is a collection of experiencing more good moments than bad. It is possible for all, but experienced mainly by those who make a  conscious decision to be happy in spite of the unpleasant temporary moments.

Peace is what I feel nowadays. I’ve learned to find peace in the midst of chaos. I do this most quickly when I make time to quiet my mind from all the negative thoughts that stir up negative emotions. I tell myself a different story through affirmations and meditation. I give myself time to find relief, which calms me and allows me to reach a state of peace regardless of what’s going on around me. I haven’t quite mastered this yet, but I sure am getting better at it.

Emotions are a major part of the human experience, but it’s how you express them that determines what your life becomes.

Overall, my life is on the UP and UP. I have so much to be thankful for. And it only gets better. And I wish you the same.

Love,

@BCSTARKS

[UPDATE] Thinking & Growing Rich: Life gives you just what you ask of it, through the foundation of your beliefs

I had to share this excerpt from my favorite book of all time, Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Once again, this book is filled with so much divine wisdom that it is almost impossible to ignore… or should I say, foolish. Check out what mean:

There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to achieve it. No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish. Open-mindedness is essential for belief. Closed minds do not inspire faith, courage, and belief. 

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty. A great poet has correctly stated this universal truth through these lines:

“I bargained with Life for a penny,

And Life would pay no more, 

However I begged at evening

When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer, 

He gives you what you ask,

But once you have set the wages,

Why, you must bear the task

I worked for a menial’s hire,

Only to learn, dismayed,

That any wage I had asked of Life,

Life would have willingly paid.

This book has by far been the most influential piece of literature that I have read thus far. The most powerful lesson I drew from this excerpt is that no matter how hard you wish, or hope, or pray… if you do not believe in yourself, or you dreams and desires, they can NEVER manifest. In that same lesson I learned that your life will turn out as big as you allow yourself to imagine it to be. If you think small, you get small, and vice versa. How big is your vision? For that will be the foundation of your own dreams manifested.  (Check out the poem that I posted previously from the same book on the topic of belief… Simple, yet POWERFUL!)

If you find that your thoughts are very limited in nature, then change them. Begin to tell a different story until you believe the thoughts that are most beneficial towards your growth. Think prosperity, joy, peace, happiness, abundance, and unlimited supply of all that you could ever need and want. Stop thinking that you don’t have enough of something. Stop entertaining what you see, for it is only your TEMPORARY REALITY. You have all that you need to be all that you desire in life, you just need to start to believe THAT. Your thoughts become your beliefs… which ultimately becomes your life. Choose wisely the thoughts that you entertain.

Think & Grow Rich (in mind, body, spirit, and POCKETS!!!!)

[UPDATE]: I found video of Napoleon Hill (the author of Think and Grow Rich) on YouTube. Its basically a video of the actual book! Check it out and be blessed! 🙂

 

[youtube:www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmCtWskzmAQ]

Love,

@BCSTARKS

P.S.- Im enjoying this journey…  #teamdreamchasers

Words of Wisdom: Stay Open… (via @TheDailyLove)

“After a few (or many) bad relationships, it’s so easy to shut down, give up, and stop believing that the right person is out there for us. Our hearts yearn to fall in love, but our minds insist it’s not possible, and we enter into a tug-of-war with ourselves. It’s as if one part of us is screaming, “Yes! I deserve a great relationship!” while another part insists, “I’ll never find him or her.” When our beliefs contradict our desires, we experience an inner conflict that not only paralyzes us, but can actually prevent us from recognizing the possibilities for love that exist all around us.” 

 
– Arielle Ford, author of “The Soulmate Secret” & “Wabi Sabi Love”

Here’s Why Every Relationship We Ever Have Is SO Important!

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My hope is that I’ve captured this photo large enough for you to read the script on the page. I read this lesson on the importance of relationships last night in my latest favorite book, “A Return to Love” by Merrianne Williamson and it knocked my socks off! Talk about a gut check…

Its always so easy to play victim or to feel like life is happening to us that we tend to forget that when it comes to interactions, it takes two. The energy that you put out, is the very thing that you will get in any interaction. I love this passage b/c it reminds us to focus on love instead of fear, because its the only thing that truly exists; everything else is just an illusion to distract us from the face, goodness, and mercy of God. And those are the things that seperate us from our “Christ-like” ways. A Course In Miracles teaches us that we, like Jesus, were created in God’s likeness (even our thoughts mirror His when we focus on love). The only difference is that we learned to be fearful, which takes on so many negative expressions in life that we often choose wrong. To “sin” merely means to “miss the mark” or to “choose fear over love” and nothing more. In any instance we can choose to be a force of Love or a force of fear. God does not punish us for choosing wrong; for when we choose fear, we are choosing to be in pain. When we choose Love, we choose to heal and be of God’s light. God is not a punishing God despite the teachings of some religions! Instead, he’s always there waiting for us to realize how much he Loves us, and how much he needs us to love ourselves and each other in order to do his will. Thank God for His mercy on us that everyday that we awaken, we have the ability to choose again… we have the chance to choose Love and have evidence of it show up in the form of our relationships and our overall lives on Earth. Amen!

Love this book people! Go get it already and be blessed!,

@BCSTARKS

Words of Wisdom: Living a Life of Purpose

Do something you really love that you would do anyway, do it in the most adventurous place, and if there’s a genuine need for it and through that need you can help other people, you’re home.—Diane Sawyer

Life is about growth and change. When you are no longer doing that—that is your whisper; that is your whisper that you are supposed to do something else.—Oprah

When you can’t pin-point your passion, start with what you’re already doing—not what you think others want to hear.—Daniel Pink

Quotes retrieved from Master Class Lessons on OWNTV.