Lessons Learned…

This year has been full of growth opportunities for me. Particularly in the form of relationships. I’ve experienced some firsts and hopefully several lasts. Some experiences I wouldn’t have wished for my worst enemy, while others have neen pure bliss. But I still wouldn’t change a single thing because the contrast is what has lead me to this very moment. As I sit here typing away, my hope is that I am able to be light to those that have been or are going through something as it pertains to relationships. So here’s a list of a few of the most prominent take-aways on my journey to great:

1. The first lesson centers around the topic of patience.  Its something that I still struggle with, but its effects within relationships are essential for peace and healthy communication. Oftentimes we want things when we want them, but when they fail to show up we end up disappointed. In many cases its ultimately no ones fault that we’re disappointed. Its only our own responsibility to check our expectations at the door. Are you expecting perfection from another perfectly imperfect human being? If so, there’s the culprit! As my favorite blogger Mastin Kipp put it, “Everything that holds us back in life is due to an unhealthy relationship with uncertainty.” That goes for lack of patience too. Many of us lack patience because we’re afraid of losing of control of a situation. What would happen if we did surrender circumstances and situations to the unknown? Well, our ultimate fear is that we would DIE or experience some form of excruciating pain. But history and many people’s lives have served as examples of how majestic accepting and embracing uncertainty can truly be. It’s what many religions refer to as Faith. It’s what I finally know to be true and I’m finally willing myself to practice more of it. I’m willing myself to be more patient with not only my own life process, but also having a sound understanding and practiced patience for the processes of others as well. This is in no way to suggest that you wait on your life to happen in order to be happy… Live how you chose, but don’t expect others to be ready to move when you are. Wait if it’s worth it, or find others who are ready in the meamtime. Life will handle the rest.

2. The second lesson deals with authenticity. For me this word implies being true to oneself. This means not selling yourself short on life, decisions, and opportunities just because others have an opinion about them. For me, this topic is also another project to grow in. I never really thought of myself as a people pleaser. In fact, I often find myself dismissing the opinions of others left and right, especially when they don’t resonate with me. However, most recently it dawned on me that the people’s whose opinions matter most to me are those who are closest to me, those who I trust enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with. And although this number is few, it hadn’t occurred to me until recently that I place a great deal of importance on their opinions. I realized, not just for myself, that sometimes we care so much about what others think of us, that we lose sight of who and what we truly are. We forget that we have our own journey to travel, our own purposes to fulfill, and their opinions of us are only a limited view of the whole of us. In fact, their opinions of us are only their thoughts and perception of us, not facts. Their opinions are none of our business because they aren’t the truth of who and what we truly are. I’m getting to the place where I’m learning to speak to my heart in stolen moments of silence (something I never thought to do before…It’s not prayer, it’s literal intimate feeling conversations with the core of your being). At first it feels weird, but as I continue to practice I can feel my way through life and situations with an inner knowing like never before. Afterall, “The kingdom of heaven lies within”. We were created to live as our true selves, not the many versions of who we are according to those who observe us in fleeting moments and temporary circumstances.

3. This next lesson is about acceptance. This is the king of all things necessary for change. In order to see real change in our lives, we must be able and willing to accept the whole of who we are, where we are, and the whole of a situation. This process in and of itself is quite complex from what I’ve come to find. Many times we find ourselves in situations that are unfavorable, and understandably hard to accept. It is from this space of resistance to life and its varying experiences and circumstances that we render ourselves to mental and emotional suffering and illness. From this space we are also sometimes lead to inflict the same pain that we feel unto others. As the saying goes: “Hurt people, hurt people.” A refusal to accept what is denies one the opportunity to experience life as fully present, whole, and complete beings. It also perpetuates a cycle of resistance from one personal interaction to the next. I’ve come to find that my personal resistance shows itself to me in the form of bodily discomfort. I may feel nervous/anxious tension in the pit of my stomach whenever I am faced with a part of myself (personality, habits, perception, expectations) that needs to evolve, but that I am subconsciously resisting. I too am learning to be more accepting of what is, with full faith that what is to come is always in service of my highest good and greatest joy… Yes, even when I can’t yet see evidence of it.

My prayer for my readers and myself is that we continue to be open to life and its many lessons. Also, my hope is that as we each continue to evolve, we are willing to share our lessons and journey with others for the purpose of being catalyst of love and understanding on Earth. Be the light that you wish to see in the world.

Namaste,

@BCSTARKS ♡

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