When Asked If I Am Truly Happy, Here’s What I Had To Say…

happiness_quote1I had someone ask me the other day if I am truly HAPPY. Their question was in reference to a picture that I posted of myself on Instagram. I took a selfie of me wearing a new sweater from one of my favorite positive apparel brands Peace Love World. And on that sweater were the words “I AM HAPPY” in big bold white and yellow letters. For a moment I had to pause when I was asked the question, not because it struck a nerve that someone would question my personal satisfaction with life, but because I had to take all of my life as a whole into consideration. My conclusion and response to them was this:

Yes, I AM HAPPY… In fact, I’m probably the happiest that I’ve ever been in my entire life despite what circumstances may appear to be. I’m happy because I now know the truth about life. Happiness to me doesn’t mean that I won’t sometimes think negative thoughts, or feel sad, or cry because things just aren’t going right. Instead happiness means that in the midst of those things, I have the full power to choose how I will respond to every situation, and how I will allow those things to affect me emotionally. I know for sure that no matter what happens to me, no matter how bad or good it may be, I have the power to control my thoughts about everything and ultimately change my experience from negative to positive. I have full control over how I allow things to affect me based on what I choose to give my attention to. I can choose to make things that displease me the focus of my world, or I can refocus my attention on what I love about my life, and how much I’m growing and improving every single day. Both are choices dealing with my thoughts, but one bears fruit of emotional chaos, while the other bears fruit of peace and serenity. It makes me happiest to know that life is not happening to me, but that I am an active participant in my every interaction and experience. It makes me happiest to know that GOD trusts me with this personal power to get back on right track whenever I am distracted and veer off course. I have choices, WE ALL DO! And even when I don’t make the best ones, I can easily redirect my path by making a better one, moment by moment. So yes, I AM HAPPY!

And just as if my answer was somehow part of what resonated with their inner being, they nodded in satisfaction for they too had accepted my truth as their own… Are you truly happy? I’d like to know your take on what it means to be happy. Drop me a line… (that means comment below) :)

Namaste,

@BCSTARKS

 

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The 3 Gems of LIFE: Self-Esteem, Self-Value, & Self-Worth

There’s this reoccurring lesson that keeps presenting itself to me in various forms of my day to day interactions with others. And for a while I didn’t recognize just what it was truly about. In fact, in many of those instances, I thought that somehow life was playing a cruel trick on me. Yes, even I played the victim role. But it hasn’t been until recently that I had to take several steps back and connect the dots in every single one of those scenarios. From interactions with family, boyfriends, co-workers, potential business partners, employers, on down the list… I had been experiencing what felt like a tug-o-war over how I wanted them to see me vs. how I felt I was being treated. And let me tell you, as foolish as this feels for me to admit, I understand that its all a part of growing up. We all have experienced or will experience such a feeling of being under appreciated, or undervalued, especially when we truly know who we are inside.

The trick to something like this is that it’s never really about the people that you are interacting with. In fact, they aren’t even half of the equation of this battle that you’re facing. From what I had to learn, and I’m still absorbing nuggets of wisdom from, is that:

We teach others how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves

We show people how to interact with us, by the way we interact with ourselves

We inform the world of how much we are worth, by the way we value ourselves

The world looks at us the very same way that we look at ourselves

When we see and feel ugliness and pain within, the world will reflect that same ugliness and pain to us through our interactions

When we see beauty, love, and kindness within, the world will reflect that same beauty, love, and kindness through others

When we show forgiveness for ourselves for our own shortcomings and flaws, it is easier to forgive others, and it unknowingly makes it easier for them to forgive us

When we stand up for ourselves and become our own biggest champion, others will rise to meet us, defend us, and cheer us on

When we feel amazing, unstoppable, and fearless on the inside, life will give us more evidence of just how amazing, unstoppable and unconquerable we really are

When we understand that we and GOD/SOURCE/UNIVERSE are ONE, we understand that we too possess unlimited power and NOTHING or NO ONE outside of us has control over our lives

YOU ARE IN CONTROL of YOU and ONLY YOU!

These nuggets of wisdom come in handy as I continue to sort through what I feel is best for me within my interactions, and in order for me to live my best life. This includes how I wish to be treated by family, friends, significant others, and so on. I’m understanding my role in all of these interactions and how I am hardly ever a victim in any of them. Its all about learning to love myself on the deepest levels, feeling whole and complete at all times (regardless of what I have or have not accomplished), being confident in the woman that I’ve become so far, setting boundaries for what I will and will not tolerate from others (and sticking to it…there’s no point in betraying what you really feel on the inside, otherwise you will attract experiences where others will betray you as well).

Are you starting to get the point here? If more love is what you desire, then figure out where in your life you are not loving yourself enough. Do you often criticize yourself and the way you look? Do you feel like you don’t deserve certain things, even though you really want them? Or do you feel like others won’t do certain things for you, even though you would really like them to? Do you beat up on yourself when you make mistakes or not so great decisions? If so, this is exactly what you are training others to do when they interact with you. To turn it all around, learn to be kind to yourself. Learn to do things for yourself that you would like others to do for you (remember, they are watching your movements and ultimately following your lead). Know that you deserve any and every good thing that you can imagine for your life. And perhaps the people that you are interacting with are not the one’s to give you what you really need. Instead, they are a reflection of who you are choosing to be in those moments. So when you finally wise up and learn to value yourself, perhaps those same people will either step their game up in how they treat you, or disappear altogether and make room for people that will honor this new and improved version of you.

This lesson is something kinda special. I’m not saying that its easy to do either, because one of the hardest things to do in life is to unlearn bad habits. But with effort, gentleness, and time, you can become anything that you want to be!

 

Namaste,

 

@BCSTARKS

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Intuition: Man’s GREATEST Gift, Woman’s LOVING Guide

Intuition-banner

Have you ever encountered a situation or person, and despite was was going on or being said, you sensed that there was more to the story than what your eyes could see? That feeling that you can’t quite define in the moment, but as time goes on it becomes crystal clear that whatever you were sensing was dead on? Well of course you have… In fact, we all have. And its no coincidence that your initial senses are ALWAYS pointing you in the right direction. You are always being lead to the TRUTH of the matter of whatever it is that sent your senses in a tizzy. That my friend is GOD and Universe’s GREATEST gift to mankind. INTUITION. 

As history would teach us, including the great books of all religions (directly or indirectly), intuition is a major part of survival as human beings. It is what we use when we are unknowingly in the face of danger, or when we don’t have the words to express what is truly in our hearts. It guides us even when the thinking mind can’t make sense of its own thoughts. Its the feeling (often subtle) beneath the surface, that ultimately points us to truth without the need for reason.

By definition, INTUITION is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

That’s right, unlike what we’ve been collectively trained to believe about decision making, not every circumstance or situation requires reasoning. In fact, oftentimes you just have to trust that you really do KNOW what you KNOW. As Malcolm Gladwell, bestselling author of Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, puts it:

Anyone who has ever scanned the bookshelves of a new girlfriend or boyfriend- or peeked inside his or her medicine cabinet- understands this implicitly; you can learn as much – or more – from one glance at a private space as you can from hours of exposure to a public face.”

He further goes on to challenge logical reasoning in saying that: 

“Our world requires that decisions be sourced and footnoted, and if we say how we feel, we must also be prepared to elaborate on why we feel that way. I think that approach is a mistake, and if we are to learn to improve the quality of the decisions we make, we need to accept the mysterious nature of our snap judgements. We need to respect the fact that it is possible to know without knowing why we know and accept that — sometimes — we’re better off that way.”

This whole notion of instinct and intuitive wisdom was once, and still is, regarded as the core essence of femininity. It is the superpower that women of all ages across time have consistently relied upon for survival in a world ruled by masculinity. It is what kept women safe and guarded, and why a men had to earn her vulnerability, because she always KNEW.

Feminist Guidance Coach Gayle Goldwin writes in WomanSpirit Oracles: Wisdom of the Ancients, Solutions For Today:

“There was a time, back in days now lost in the fog of prehistory, when Woman didn’t need oracles to predict her future or reveal what was going on behind her back. She didn’t worry about what might happen, and she didn’t fret about what to do. She didn’t need to. She hadn’t been taught to doubt her Self. She hadn’t been taught to dismiss her Intuition. She hadn’t been taught to disregard her own Knowing. Back then, women didn’t need oracles because every Woman was an Oracle.

And she knew it.

Back then, it was obvious that Woman had a direct connection to Divinity. She was, after all, created in the image and likeness of the Great Goddess. She need only be still and ask, for every answer to be given her. That’s just how it was. She was Feminine, and her Femininity made her Powerful. She had Woman’s feelings, instincts, intuition and senses. She intuitively Knew everything she needed to know.

And everyone knew that she Knew.

Women today still have a direct link to Divinity. They still have access to all Knowing, and they still need only ask to receive the answer. Woman’s inherent sensitivity and abilities remain as they have always been. Her intuitive link to all Knowing remains just as it was created within her. The only thing that has changed over the last six millennia is that Woman no longer knows that she Knows.

She was feminine, and her femininity made her POWERFUL!” – Gayle Goldwin

As a woman it is quite refreshing to be reminded of this. But what I am most refreshed about in coming across the works of Goldwin, is her reminder of why self-love for every woman is her one true nature:

Women then needed joy and fulfillment in their lives, just as women now do. But women then were taught that they would find it within themselves—in the activities, pursuits and pleasures that they enjoyed… Back then, women understood their power over men. How- ever much a woman might enjoy having sex, she will never need it as Man does because Spirit’s life-sustaining flow is always cours- ing through her body. Women then understood the magnitude of the gift—the vital Life Force Energy that maintains a body’s health—that they bestowed on men through their sexual favor. They recognized their power and used it to command due respect and appreciation.

This mini lesson of intuition is one that I intend to continue to explore. Especially given that it’s universal and is what keeps us all connected to SOURCE. Please check out the works of both experts mentioned in this post. And if you are a woman like myself, or you desire to better understand the nature of women, download a free chapter from Goldwin’s website. It is DEFINITELY worth the read.

I AM so full of gratitude for being brought to this place in my journey of GREATNESS! It is always my hope that you too feel the love of GOD and the Universe as a result of coming right here, right now.

Namaste,

@BCSTARKS

P.S – I haven’t checked it out completely myself, but this video about intuition may be pretty cool. Check it out and let me know! :-)

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Tending to Spirit: The POWER of Focusing Within

love-hearts-live-hd-wallpapers-2-6-s-307x512 I feel so blessed to have this platform to share my passion of council/and coaching. I’m grateful to the many people whom I’ve had the privilege of crossing paths with throughout my journey, and the many lessons that I continue to learn from our interactions. Its funny because so often many of us take these interactions for granted, failing to see the beauty that pours from them because we are too busy focusing on everything surrounding them, rather than what is going on inside ourselves as a result of them. What i know for sure is that if we are open to allowing ourselves to become more, and to constantly improve our life experiences, we can contribute so much more to those around us.

When we take our attention away from the noise and distractions of the outside world (and the people in it), we give ourselves room to reflect on our own inner processes, such as what  makes us happy, what causes us pain, what makes us feel appreciative or appreciated. It has been written and uttered by the GREATS throughout the history of mankind, that man’s greatest task in life is to KNOW THYSELF. It is only through inner reflection, and the willingness to heal pains of the past and evolve, that one can change his own reality, and ultimately make a difference in the lives of others.

When we find ourselves in situations where we somehow feel that we were mistreated or wronged in some way, the greatest gift that we can give ourselves is the opportunity to make any experience less about another person, and more about what you can NOW do with a newfound awareness of self. This means that one should focus as often as possible on how their own thoughts, feelings, and actions may have somehow contributed to such an interaction. This is not to say that one should find fault within himself for something that occurred. However, it is to say that no one has the power to affect you in any way that you don’t allow them to. And as we now know, and have come to accept from the GREAT Sir Isaac Newton’s Laws of Motion,

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This notion of knowing thyself has less to do with religious beliefs and theories, and everything to do with understanding that we are all physically interacting with one another as we live life on EARTH, and as result, we are constantly exchanging messages through our actions and words.  Life’s interactions are all about the balance of give and take. When we learn to take the focus from any and everything outside of ourselves and learn to go within to uncover the true meaning behind our choices (whether it be past hurts and joys, or pride and shame), we empower ourselves with the tools to walk the face of the EARTH with confidence and reassurance that we are indeed “Masters of our fate, captains of our souls.”

Another great thing about inner focus is that when we give ourselves room to have stillness and peace, we allow ourselves to recharge and approach any situation with a clear mind and more positive energy. Oftentimes we are so used to “reacting” to everything around us, typically out of emotion. But we all know that most decisions we make based on emotions are usually not the greatest. That’s because emotions are like the waves of the ocean, they are fickle and constantly change from one moment to the next. However, when we take all focus from the outer world and redirect it within, we allow ourselves to attract better outcomes from a less emotionally charged perspective, to a more serene and peaceful state of being. And we all have experience with this kind of phenomena. We all know how it feels to walk away from a person or thing until we feel better about the subject, only to realized that it turns out so much better when you do your own inner work.  Now that’s what true POWER really is! 

Most recently, I stumbled across this audio track of one of my favorite Universal Law of Attraction teachers Abraham and Esther Hicks on the subject of focusing within. Please check it out and drop me a line (comment). I’d love to hear from you!

[Disclaimer: Language such as "Vortex,""Source Energy," and Vibration are used instead of Spirit, GOD, and energy because the teachings have less to do with religion and EVERYTHING to do with understanding the human psyche and experience. Please look past the literal language and allow yourself to be open to new lessons.]

Namaste,

@BCSTARKS :)

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SELF MASTERY: Control Your Thoughts/Actions, Surrender The Outcome (On Every Subject!)

surrender

My greatest task these past several months has been the act of letting go. Its one of the hardest things to do when you’re so used to being a bit of a control freak. Okay… Let’s admit, we ALL do this with certain aspects of our lives. We all want to feel as if we have a sense of control over the things that are going on around us. And to a certain degree, we do. But what I’m coming to know, is that the greatest thing that we should aspire to have control over has nothing to do with anything outside of oneself. It has EVERYTHING to do with checking in with the thoughts and feelings that are behind every action or decision that one may make.

Most recently, I had to deal with relationship disappointment. For me, it was that feeling and supporting thoughts of being deprived or cheated of certain treatment. This is a very typical thing for humans, especially women to endure as we are given so many images and ideas from the outside world about how things are supposed to be. And its amazing how it never fails that the core of all relational conflicts comes from those very ideas about how things are “supposed to be.” And as the saying goes, our ideas about how things are supposed to be are what screws us up most. In fact, I find it funny how no matter what your thoughts and feelings are about something, negative or positive, you can almost always count on some kind of outside validation to support it. It can be in the form of a friend or family member’s advice, a billboard you may see while driving, a song on the radio, a fortune cookie… No matter what frequency you are on, it will somehow be validated and ultimately encouraged to continue… This is something to consider!   

But now consider this: What if it was revealed to mankind that every idea that we’ve ever held about life and how things are supposed to go are false? What if none of it is true, and its all just one great big illusion (almost like a movie), and we are playing the roles that we choose to play with every decision that we make? And what if, as a result of accepting this scenario as true, we are told that our only power in navigating through life is to develop discipline in the mind; that is, be mindful of the thoughts and emotions that pass through your being, and understand that everything that you say and do are the result of what you are thinking and feeling in any given moment. Now, if everything that you say and do will render an opposite or equal reaction, thus creating the events of your life, would it not be a top priority to constantly work at improving one’s thoughts and emotions before or during the decision making process?…

This task for me has been one of great difficulty, as it challenges me to dismiss many ideas that I have about relationships and love, and life in general. Its amazing how many different thoughts and ideas we have about specific subjects that are not our own. They are merely thoughts and ideas that we have learned from the world around us. When we learn to master what controls our actions, we can begin to be more deliberate about just what it is we are trying to accomplish with every given thought and feeling. From there, we can surrender and allow life to unfold profoundly in our favor, rather than against us through negative validation and real-life physical confirmation. This has been one of my greatest revelations!

 

Namaste!

 

@BCSTARKS 

 

 

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